i was reading my previous blogs today, and when i read the first paragraph from "let it be", i had to stop. less than two months ago i was praying for God to send us some excited, spirit filled, humble, servants. right now, i'm none of those things...i'm tired.
what do you do when you know how to make things better but lack the power to do so? you can't quit the situation, you can't change it, and you're watching the life that once made you a joy to others being sucked out of you faster than you can "be still and know"? what then?
12.07.2007
10.04.2007
goosebumps....
at first i thought this was going to be cheezy, but it's beautiful...and it gives me goosebumps. lots of versions of it to watch, but this one does it for me.
9.27.2007
simple observations
there is no point in cooking for just me, but when i do, there are leftovers. lots of leftovers. the thing with leftovers is that it helps to have a microwave.
i'm looking after a dog in a house that i've been in several times for at least 3 weeks (a week here and there). i've never seen a microwave, so i haven't cooked. soups and sandwiches get boring after a while.
a friend came for dinner last night, slightly taller than me...not much, but at least a couple inches. what does she find? the microwave. i saw it last night for the first time. it's one of those that rests 2-3 feet above the stove. it never occured to me to just look up.
why does this matter, and why am i even admitting this? it is kind of embarassing. however, it is one of those moments that illustrates how a moment, big or small, can transcend the moment itself. too many moments in one.
i associate that moment with god...with the church. how would that moment have affected you, and what in your life makes you perceive moments differently than me?
the teacher has a point: two are better than one, a cord of three strands is not easily broken.
it makes sense.
i'm looking after a dog in a house that i've been in several times for at least 3 weeks (a week here and there). i've never seen a microwave, so i haven't cooked. soups and sandwiches get boring after a while.
a friend came for dinner last night, slightly taller than me...not much, but at least a couple inches. what does she find? the microwave. i saw it last night for the first time. it's one of those that rests 2-3 feet above the stove. it never occured to me to just look up.
why does this matter, and why am i even admitting this? it is kind of embarassing. however, it is one of those moments that illustrates how a moment, big or small, can transcend the moment itself. too many moments in one.
i associate that moment with god...with the church. how would that moment have affected you, and what in your life makes you perceive moments differently than me?
the teacher has a point: two are better than one, a cord of three strands is not easily broken.
it makes sense.
9.18.2007
Let it Be...
as i was writing an email to my pastor back home, it hit me. i was asking the church to pray for God to send us some humble, excited, spirit-filled servants, and it really hit me: pray for workers, there are so few.
how many of us just "are"? just "are" what we were created to "be". God is. that's his name right? He just "is" always "was" and ever "will be". if we know him, and love him above all else, shouldn't we be able to just "be"? i'm confusing myself. it's raining here, and windy, the dog, is sleeping at my feet. one of my favorite songs is playing. it's a hymn by Francis Havergal written in 1874:
"Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee;
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise;
Take my intellect and use
Every power as you choose.
Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee."
A beautiful prayer.
how many of us just "are"? just "are" what we were created to "be". God is. that's his name right? He just "is" always "was" and ever "will be". if we know him, and love him above all else, shouldn't we be able to just "be"? i'm confusing myself. it's raining here, and windy, the dog, is sleeping at my feet. one of my favorite songs is playing. it's a hymn by Francis Havergal written in 1874:
"Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee;
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise;
Take my intellect and use
Every power as you choose.
Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee."
A beautiful prayer.
9.17.2007
hmmm...
the stars are beautiful. every single one. and i can almost see them all. every single one.
i love walking in on sunday morning, having no idea how to get what's on the inside, outside. but some how it happens. it doesn't always happen, but yesterday, god had mercy on me...especially on the congregation. ha! honestly, they've had it bad some sundays.
we sang the song "unashamed love" by ten shekel shirt...one of my favorites. at one point i opened my eyes and looked at the congregation. my friend laura had her eyes closed and was singing the song word for word, feeling it as she sang. my friend candice read the words from the bulletin with her daughter savannah. candice's grandmother, lucille, simply sat with her eyes closed, not singing, but enjoying every word. this makes it worth it. surely, this is communion with the saints.
the words to the song are as follows:
"you're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
to quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place,
worthy, you are worthy
open up my heart and let my spirit worship yours
open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth,
worthy, you are worthy
of a childlike faith, and of my honest praise,
of my unashamed love
of a holy life, and of my sacrifice,
of my unashamed love"
lots of other interesting things going on, lots of sadness and deep joy. during the plane ride home, the sky was like something out of a fairy tale. really wonder-ful.
it's amazing and bittersweet how life moves. think of what you were doing a year ago, five years ago, twenty years ago. i was learning to talk. i'm still learning to talk. what will the congregation be singing a year from now?
i love walking in on sunday morning, having no idea how to get what's on the inside, outside. but some how it happens. it doesn't always happen, but yesterday, god had mercy on me...especially on the congregation. ha! honestly, they've had it bad some sundays.
we sang the song "unashamed love" by ten shekel shirt...one of my favorites. at one point i opened my eyes and looked at the congregation. my friend laura had her eyes closed and was singing the song word for word, feeling it as she sang. my friend candice read the words from the bulletin with her daughter savannah. candice's grandmother, lucille, simply sat with her eyes closed, not singing, but enjoying every word. this makes it worth it. surely, this is communion with the saints.
the words to the song are as follows:
"you're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
to quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place,
worthy, you are worthy
open up my heart and let my spirit worship yours
open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth,
worthy, you are worthy
of a childlike faith, and of my honest praise,
of my unashamed love
of a holy life, and of my sacrifice,
of my unashamed love"
lots of other interesting things going on, lots of sadness and deep joy. during the plane ride home, the sky was like something out of a fairy tale. really wonder-ful.
it's amazing and bittersweet how life moves. think of what you were doing a year ago, five years ago, twenty years ago. i was learning to talk. i'm still learning to talk. what will the congregation be singing a year from now?
9.03.2007
a moment...
we saw so much history, all of which deserves respect and contemplation, but one thing overwhelmed me: walking through westminster abbey, past the tomb of queen elizabeth I, past edward the confessor, past mary queen of scots, the resting place of geoffrey chaucer. outside things moved slowly. inside a reverence reserved for god. his stories make me laugh, make me think, make me move. i barely know anything about the man. still, i feel like i just walked on holy ground. lovely.
9.01.2007
small world...
ever since i was an undergrad at uga, i've wanted to visit england. not to shop, but to see the bits of the literary history that have been taught to me. so we get to atl, and guess who is on our flight? my english advisor from good ol' park hall in athens ga. she's going to teach a study abroad class at oxford this fall. weirdly encouraging.
today we simply walked around, familiarized ourselves with the tube, the buses, etc. we strolled bayswater st and portobello rd. and i notice the manpri's are quite trendy. capris, but for men. i like them despite what several of my male friends say. i think they're quite alright.
kensington palace and hyde park are beautiful (we visited these places as well). i could spend a whole day on the grass reading a book, but i can do that anywhere....with grass. parents taking their babies for a stroll, couples reading to each other under a tree, picnics in the grass, study groups, runners, dog-walkers, etc. all glimpses of reality taking place.
i felt like stieglitz or some photographer...not because i had a camera, but because i could see the value of a moment. not just this afternoon, but all day. the moment with my advisor in the airport: i picked the right major after all. the manpri moment: the memory of a manpri comment popped in my head, and i laughed. life just made sense in the manpri moment. i have no idea why, except for a bit of joy that shines in laughter. moments of reflection in a park where other people are having moments...alone, with ipods, with a book, with friends, whatever.
someone is making all things new. a small world suddenly becomes big again...in moments.
today we simply walked around, familiarized ourselves with the tube, the buses, etc. we strolled bayswater st and portobello rd. and i notice the manpri's are quite trendy. capris, but for men. i like them despite what several of my male friends say. i think they're quite alright.
kensington palace and hyde park are beautiful (we visited these places as well). i could spend a whole day on the grass reading a book, but i can do that anywhere....with grass. parents taking their babies for a stroll, couples reading to each other under a tree, picnics in the grass, study groups, runners, dog-walkers, etc. all glimpses of reality taking place.
i felt like stieglitz or some photographer...not because i had a camera, but because i could see the value of a moment. not just this afternoon, but all day. the moment with my advisor in the airport: i picked the right major after all. the manpri moment: the memory of a manpri comment popped in my head, and i laughed. life just made sense in the manpri moment. i have no idea why, except for a bit of joy that shines in laughter. moments of reflection in a park where other people are having moments...alone, with ipods, with a book, with friends, whatever.
someone is making all things new. a small world suddenly becomes big again...in moments.
8.30.2007
8.27.2007
super heroes...
my brother and i love super heroes. my brother moreso than me. his favorite is superman, and i think deep down every little boy or man wants to be superman.
i met a super hero today. a superman.
so i go to watch my brother's swim team practice. he's the coach. all the kids are wondering who i am and why i'm there. i really just wanted to say hi to my brother since i never see him, and he doesn't live at home anymore.
i remember he said he would never be a teacher. he teaches high school math. he would never work with kids. his second job is coaching the swim team for kids 12 and under. "20 push-ups!" he yells. one little girl looks up adoringly, "hey daniel guess what? i joined my middle school swim club today" he responds, "so". she smiles bigger. another kid walks up and playfully pulls on his arms to stretch. he playfully pulls back. a scrawny boy with tinted glasses walks up, "hey daniel, guess what i got on my math test today...93!" my brother responds unenthusiastically, "good for you". the kids beams. daniel turns to me and smirks. he really loves his job...with kids. and they love him!
he's their superman...how cool is that? and i'm his sister!!
i met a super hero today. a superman.
so i go to watch my brother's swim team practice. he's the coach. all the kids are wondering who i am and why i'm there. i really just wanted to say hi to my brother since i never see him, and he doesn't live at home anymore.
i remember he said he would never be a teacher. he teaches high school math. he would never work with kids. his second job is coaching the swim team for kids 12 and under. "20 push-ups!" he yells. one little girl looks up adoringly, "hey daniel guess what? i joined my middle school swim club today" he responds, "so". she smiles bigger. another kid walks up and playfully pulls on his arms to stretch. he playfully pulls back. a scrawny boy with tinted glasses walks up, "hey daniel, guess what i got on my math test today...93!" my brother responds unenthusiastically, "good for you". the kids beams. daniel turns to me and smirks. he really loves his job...with kids. and they love him!
he's their superman...how cool is that? and i'm his sister!!
8.26.2007
target
driving to target to buy two new notebooks and some rubber cement because i made the brilliant decision to REorganize and condense the memories of my life into two categories: travels and writings. hopefully i can have everything i ever want to reference in two places rather than scattered into a million boxes and envelopes and half-finished "journals" that never get finished because something inside of me can't pass by a blank sketchbook or journal and not buy it...yeah. run-ons. it's going to be a long night.
on the way the most beautiful sky caught my attention. there's this cloud with a silver lining. not just silver, but white light. amazing. i never get tired of the sky, because it's never the same sky twice. something is always different.
one of my favorite songs came on: it's one of those songs that make my emotions fall prostrate. i get really quiet and start to take off my shoes. some college worship leader wrote it...not on google yet. i kind of like that it's not google-able, but i'm also frustrated that i have no way of getting all the lyrics. not all the words are audible as the guy sings them. the words i do get are awesome...
"death and silence bow to christ," he sings repetitively as the music builds, and finally a chorus of voices sing, loudly, "i'm alive, i've come back to reclaim my bride, and death itself has died." amazing.
of all inside of me that wants to be angry at god, i can't. not after that. not after remembering who he is.
on the way the most beautiful sky caught my attention. there's this cloud with a silver lining. not just silver, but white light. amazing. i never get tired of the sky, because it's never the same sky twice. something is always different.
one of my favorite songs came on: it's one of those songs that make my emotions fall prostrate. i get really quiet and start to take off my shoes. some college worship leader wrote it...not on google yet. i kind of like that it's not google-able, but i'm also frustrated that i have no way of getting all the lyrics. not all the words are audible as the guy sings them. the words i do get are awesome...
"death and silence bow to christ," he sings repetitively as the music builds, and finally a chorus of voices sing, loudly, "i'm alive, i've come back to reclaim my bride, and death itself has died." amazing.
of all inside of me that wants to be angry at god, i can't. not after that. not after remembering who he is.
8.25.2007
that verse...
so dark is light? waiting and wanting to know if it's true...you know, that phrase that she heard that time from that guy singing on that cd.
oh that thing! right now i want to know....really. and where did that guy on that cd get that phrase. it keeps popping up as a poor explanation for why things are the way that THEY are. it's not really a poor explanation. it's actually quite perfect, and that's the problem.
i spend my days trying to make sense of things. and when i make sense of things, things suck. so really, why make sense. why not accept the beauty of the mystery? the mystery remains despite my incredible sense-making skills, and that kills me.
I need to be killed more often. that would be perfect.
oh that thing! right now i want to know....really. and where did that guy on that cd get that phrase. it keeps popping up as a poor explanation for why things are the way that THEY are. it's not really a poor explanation. it's actually quite perfect, and that's the problem.
i spend my days trying to make sense of things. and when i make sense of things, things suck. so really, why make sense. why not accept the beauty of the mystery? the mystery remains despite my incredible sense-making skills, and that kills me.
I need to be killed more often. that would be perfect.
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